Bringing Baby Home

Doula Certification

2010-08-03T11:28:00.000-07:00

Well, I started my certification for becoming a Birth Doula. For those of you who don't know, a Birth Doula is a professional who provides physical (non-medical) and emotional support in childbirth. I am so very excited about this new journey in my life, and so happy that I'm finally getting started!

Among all the studying and test taking, I also need to attend two births in order to complete my certification. I've already found one client, so, if you know any one who is pregnant or interested in using a Doula, please tell them about me. And don't forget to let them know that I'm offering my services for FREE to one more pregnant mama!

For anyone who may be considering having a Doula attend their birth, here is what some of my previous clients had to say about their experience with me:

(From the mother)

First off, I just want to say that there are several good reasons why I asked Sarah to help me with the labor of my first child. One, because she had a natural birth herself, with no pain medication, and I wanted someone who had had a natural child birth to be supportive of my own decision to have a natural birth. Two, because she had previous experience assisting her cousin during one of her natural child births. Three, because I know that Sarah is a very supportive, creative and assertive person who could help me accomplish my goal of having an all natural birth. Four, because she wants to become a certified doula, and I knew that this would help her with her goal to become one. Finally, because I just love Sarah and thought that it would be great to have her with me during this exciting, yet challenging life-experience.

Before I went into labor, Sarah and I worked on coping skills to deal with the contractions and gathered together TONS of information and tools to help with the pain and help me focus my mind on something other than the pain. When I actually went into labor, it was time to put the information to work. Sarah was AMAZING! She was emotionally, physically, and even spiritually supportive. She gave me immediate insights on how I might be able to improve the coping. She kept me motivated to keep moving through the contractions in order to progress. She read scripture and prayed for us. She catered to such needs as warming up heating bags and setting up my bath with candles and dim lighting, without me asking for anything. She was just on top of everything. My favorite thing that she did was take a long piece of cloth (a moby wrap) and wrap it around my waist and pull when I was having a contraction to counteract the pain. It was wonderful! My nurse was even impressed by this technique. She had never seen it done before, but even she could tell it was effective.

Overall, Sarah did an exceptional job as my doula. And although she wasn’t certified during my labor, she might as well have been. The nurse attending my labor even said that she has seen many professional doulas/birth assistants in her time, and none of them did as good a job as Sarah. I’m not saying all of this to put Sarah on a pedestal, but she did do a really great job. Anybody would be truly proud to have Sarah assist at their birth.

You can view this mama's blog and what she had to say about her Doula experience with me here.

(From the father)

Having Sarah as our acting doula was one of the best decisions we made before my wife gave birth to our son. Sarah’s encouragement extended from months before our son was born through after the delivery.

Months leading up to the delivery, Sarah stayed in contact with us to find out things we might want to happen during the laboring process. During this time, Sarah did extensive research for ideas that would help us during our time during the laboring process. My wife and I even met with Sarah (who lives about 2 hours away) so we could go over a birthing plan in person. Sarah not only listened to my wife for how she wanted things to happen, but Sarah also asked me what I wanted, and she not only listened to me, but also tried her best to incorporate my wishes.

During the laboring process I realized how important a role Sarah played. It was very helpful for me to stay with my wife and not have to “get things” during transitional times. Sarah was always there to make sure we had everything we wanted/needed. One of the things I did not think about before my wife went into labor was having mints. Sarah brought several bags of mints, and my breath stayed fresh for my wife as I helped her with breathing exercises.

After our son was born, Sarah suggested to others that my wife, son, and I might want time to ourselves to continue the bonding experience. This was extremely important because it showed that even though Sarah was excited with us, she was also thinking about our time as a family. Upon Sarah’s return, my family got the chance to visit with her and thank her for all the help she gave. I cannot finish without saying that my family heard from several staff members that they were extremely impressed with Sarah, and Sarah went above and beyond the work staff members have seen from professional doulas. Sarah is amazing and we were blessed to have her help with and experience the birth of our son.

If you're still unsure about a Doula, here is some information about Doulas from Childbirth International (the organization I am certifying through):

What is a Doula?

A doula supports a woman and her partner during pregnancy, birth, and the early weeks of parenting, with reassurance, practical assistance, and information.

A doula is someone you come to know well by the time of your birth, and who is there during your labor, by your side, focused solely on you and your partner. She can encourage you, remain objective, and help your partner feel more confident about how to support you. She can also assist you with practical knowledge on comfort measures for labor, such as massage and suggestions for positioning. A doula can provide information when you have questions, and can help you communicate most effectively with your medical caregivers.

The main focus of a doula's role is often on the birth itself, but doula support can also be invaluable during pregnancy (especially if you face questions about tests or complications), and after the birth when she can help out with feeding and adjusting to life with a newborn.

There are a few things a doula is not. She is not acting as a nurse or midwife, so she does not provide clinical care such as doing examinations on you or checking your baby's heartbeat. The support a doula provides fits together with, but does not replace, the care of your doctor, midwife, or nurses.

Doulas do not make decisions for you, or speak for you. This is your birth, your baby, your life! A doula supports you by providing information and explanations you may want about your choices, but it's always you who decides what's best for you.

Why hire a doula?

Why should I hire a doula? Won't my partner, my doctor, and the nurses help me with anything I need?

Doulas can help you in ways no one else can! Your partner may be a fantastic source of support, as the two of you share a special bond as you become parents together. But partners have their own journey to parenthood, and it can be a heavy load provide support during labor as well as manage their own inner questions and experience. Doulas can help by providing practical support for partners, to allow them a few minutes' break every now and again to rest, eat, and regroup. Many partners also appreciate having an experienced supporter present who can reassure them about what is happening, and offer tips and demonstrations of comfort techniques. With a doula present, many partners actually feel more confident about their role at the birth and are able to be more active.

Your doctor will also play a key role in supporting you. But doctors usually are able to check on you only briefly from time to time throughout your labor, and cannot provide support in your home in the early stages. Doulas can!

Nurses are able to stay with you for longer periods, once you are in hospital, but with shift changes, paperwork, and many other women to care for at once, they can't always give you undivided attention. Doulas can!

What all this means for you is that doulas are part of a whole team where each member has a special role to play in supporting you for your birth.

Partners and Doulas

The birth of your baby is a very private event. You might be wondering if a doula will replace or exclude your partner or intrude.

Many partners, and mothers-to-be as well, are concerned that a doula will be a "third wheel" or will exclude the partner from sharing in the birth. When you talk to parents who have had a doula present for their birth, though, the opposite usually turns out to be the case. A good doula always remembers that this birth is the parents' experience, not hers. She is there to support your wishes and help the two of you to maintain your physical and emotional resources to share the birth together.

If one of you feels reluctant about having a doula, talk about it together. Be honest about what's bothering you. If your partner wants to be the one you rely on the most, he may feel that if you want a doula, it must mean you don't think he will do a good job supporting you. Usually that's not at all true, but it helps to talk it through. Many partners actually find they are more actively involved in the birth when an experienced professional supporter is present.

If, on the other hand, your partner feels a bit (or a lot!) uncomfortable about being present at the birth, a doula's presence means you have continuous support while your partner is free to respect his own limits and come and go throughout labor.

Things you can do to make for a comfortable relationship between you, your partner, and your doula:

As a couple, be open and honest with one another about your feelings about having a doula or other aspects of your birth you may not agree on. This won't be the first or the last time you disagree when it comes to your child! Use the chance to work on your problem-solving skills.
Talk when you first meet with your doula about any specific expectations you have, or things you want her to do or not to do. Be clear about what you want her role to be so there are no misunderstandings. This is your birth and you are paying for a service. Make sure it is what you want!
During the birth, if you see something the doula is doing that you want to be able to do -- maybe massage or a pressure technique, ask her to show you how.
Don't be afraid to ask for some privacy if you would like, at any time during your labor. Privacy helps labor progress! And a good doula respects your needs and won't feel put out in the slightest.

ONE!

2010-07-12T20:45:00.001-07:00

Little baby Jackson is no longer a baby. I can't believe how he's grown and changed from the very first picture we saw of him. What a blessing he has been to our family.

Thank you, Lord, for bringing our baby boy into this world, and for orchestrating all our lives in such a way that allowed us to become a family.

Our referral picture (he's less than a month old in this picture)

4 months old

6 months old

The day we met (almost 7 months old)

My big, darling, snuggly, silly one year old boy today!

Birthday Boy

2010-07-12T09:39:00.000-07:00

My little baby Jackson is turning one today! I'm so excited about the new ways he's finding independence and love seeing him change and grow. I've told many of you how I really wanted him to start walking before he turned one. Well, the little stinker took his first step this morning! Nothing like waiting til the last minute! We had a sweet celebration just the four of us. Here are some pictures so you can see what a big boy my big baby has become!

A present from mommy and daddy...

... that he totally LOVES!

He was so mad that he had to wait for his cupcake!

Jackers and Mama

My silly boys!

Cute, even covered in cake!

The first step you see him take on this video is the second step he's ever taken in his whole life! How cool that we got it on video! (And by the way, the stuff on his chin is ice cream that he was eating right before we started the video!)

More Pictures

2010-06-29T19:55:00.000-07:00

We had such a great time while Fred and Marge were here, and we got so many great pictures I just had to post some more! Enjoy!

Papa Fred and Grandma Marge

2010-06-28T08:14:00.000-07:00

Thomas' Dad, Fred, and his wife Marge are here to visit us for a couple of days. We have missed them so much, and are really excited they're here. They haven't seen Brenner for a year and a half and this is their very first time meeting Jackson. Here are some pictures from day one of their visit!

Love these people!

Me and my boy.

Start walking already, Jackson!

Father and son.

Papa Fred and Grandma Marge with their grandsons

Daddy teaching Brenner to fish

Just ignore the branch and this is an awesome family picture!

Happy Father's Day!

2010-06-20T09:32:00.000-07:00

These two boys have the best Daddy EVER.

Sweet Boys

2010-06-18T16:26:00.001-07:00

Pictures courtesy of Sara Bedient

Another Year Older

2010-06-18T14:11:00.001-07:00

I turned 25 this month and got to celebrate with my family and a few friends. My mom made me an adorable cake, we had pizza, and I got to buy a new dress, so I was super happy! And to top my birthday off, I got to go out with my two, sweet girlfriends, Missy and Alyssa. Thanks for a great night out, ladies!

Pictures courtesy of Sara Bedient.

Feeney Family Fun

2010-06-15T19:19:00.000-07:00

Jackson's 1st Camping Expedition

2010-06-04T08:47:00.000-07:00

We went on our annual "Memorial Day first camping trip of the year" trip last weekend. Jackson did awesome, and both of the boys really enjoyed being outside the whole weekend. Brenner got to catch lots of bugs, and I caught him a lizard and a frog, too, so he was in 7th heaven! We were worried about Jackson being able to sleep in the tent since it usually is pretty cold camping this early in the year, but he did wonderful. We just dressed him in fifty different sets of clothes, and he slept like a baby! :)

Jackson's first camping trip!

The most exciting part of the weekend... getting the Trooper out of the mud!

Brenner got to drive for the first time.

Having coffee with Grandpa Dan.

Loving on Grandma. She's seriously his favorite.

In all his fifty different sets of clothes.

Carnival

2010-05-25T11:55:00.000-07:00

Brenner and I had the chance to spend some time just the two of us. It was really special to be able to focus just on him for a little bit, and I could tell that he was really soaking up the one on one time. Fort Lewis had a little (and I do mean little) parking lot carnival, so Brenner and I went to check it out. It was Brenner's first Carnival, and he had a total blast! Plus, I kind of spoiled him rotten, so I'm sure that helped!

Barely made it!

Pimpin.

Brenner's first roller coaster ride.

Me and my boy.

Little pilot.

Jackson's New Trick

2010-05-12T08:38:00.000-07:00

I thought Jackson was going to walk early, and then for awhile I thought he was going to walk late. Yesterday he just stood up, held on to the handles, and started pushing himself along with this toy, so now I have hope that he will walk by one. Yay, Jackson!

Big Helper

2010-04-26T09:41:00.000-07:00

Brenner is an awesome big brother. (Well, most of the time.) He's a big helper to mommy and LOVES his baby brother. What a sweet boy!

Tuppens the Birds

2010-04-26T09:17:00.000-07:00

I took Brenner and Jackson to feed the ducks the other day. This was Jackson's first time feeding the ducks, probably his first time even seeing a duck! It was a beautiful day for being outside, and we all enjoyed soaking up the sunshine. Brenner and Jackson had a blast with the ducks, and I loved the time with my boys.

Roxanne Pearce Photography

2010-04-26T09:09:00.000-07:00

Here are my absolute favorite pictures from our photo shoot with Roxanne in February. She's SO good!!!!

The Name Change

2010-04-19T07:55:00.000-07:00

So, many of you were asking why we changed baby's name from Berynger to Jackson.

Well, we originally wanted to name him Bear. After we had decided that Bear was the name, we had a few people confront us (and not in a very friendly way) about how wrong it was to name him Bear, all because of the color of his skin. So after that we decided that we would name him Berynger (because it means courageous as a bear) and then we'd just call him Bear as a nickname. We named him Berynger so that we could defend ourselves if anyone else got on our backs about naming a black child Bear. So, you see, Berynger was never the name we REALLY wanted for him. After being home for two months and NEVER once calling him Berynger we decided that it was wrong to give him a name just for defense purposes. Plus, no one could figure out how to spell it or how to say it. I don't want him to have to deal with that for the rest of his life. And anyway, Bear was always just a nickname, and we can call him that no matter what his formal name is.

Plus, he just looks like a Jackson!

Big News

2010-04-15T17:01:00.001-07:00

We decided to change Berynger's name. I know... we've been calling him Bear for two months now, but we're changing it anyway! His new name is Jackson. LOVE IT!

Easter

2010-04-08T08:02:00.000-07:00

Our Easter was pretty good... could have been better if Thomas was with us. He had to miss Bear's first Easter, and worse, his first holiday home with us. Thomas had to work in Lakewood, and I had a baby shower in Spokane on Easter weekend. Bummer. :(

Brenner had an egg hunt in the morning, then we all went to church, came home for naps and went out for a family dinner. Over all, it was a good Easter. By far the best part was the boys' adorable matching Easter outfits!

Happy Easter!

Diaper Situation Under Control

2010-03-22T09:51:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I took lots of the advice that you all gave me! And in the last five nights, Bear has only leaked out once, so it looks like it's working. We are using Luvs diapers (went up to a size 3) with a cloth diaper liner inside and a cloth diaper cover outside as a soaker. Thank you all for helping me solve this ridiculous problem! Bummer is that Bear still isn't sleeping any later. I was hoping that he was waking up early because he was wet, but it looks like he's just an early riser!

:)

2010-03-17T16:20:00.000-07:00

HAPPY ST. PATRICK'S DAY!

OH MY WORD

2010-03-16T07:13:00.000-07:00

Bear leaks through his diaper EVERY NIGHT! We've tried everything we can think of. We've tried plastic covers over his diaper, which didn't work too well since the smallest size I could find is still too big for him. We've tried waking him up four hours after he goes to sleep to change his diaper in the middle of the night. What else can we do? I need some suggestions, here, people. Help me!! I cannot keep waking up to a screaming wet baby. And he is waking up before he's rested, too. Which in turn wakes Brenner up before he's completely rested. Please help my family figure out a way to get some sleep!

Brotherly Love

2010-03-13T21:37:00.000-08:00

The boys had their first bath together the other day. They love bathing together! Bear cries every time I take him out... he just wants to play!

Both the boys are definitely loving having each other. That makes my heart smile!

Goodbye to Nursing

2010-03-13T18:59:00.001-08:00

Well, after much thought and deliberation, I've decided to retire my boobs.

I truly want what is in Bear's very best interest, but it was really hard to decide what would be best for him concerning breastfeeding. Now, I know all of you are thinking "Well, breast is best... duh!" but our situation really is so much more complicated than that. When you are trying to start a nursing relationship with a baby that you are just getting to know and love, the decision to nurse becomes about much much more than just the facts. So, I began weighing the pros and cons (for us) of breastfeeding versus bottle feeding. Here are the main things I was considering:

Nursing Pros:
1. Nutritional benefits
2. Prepares baby's mouth for speech
3. Helps in sensory development
4. Time with mama

Nursing Cons:
1. Time. We would have to supplement due to the fact that I was hardly producing anything. So, we'd spend hours a day nursing and then have to prepare bottles (to fill practically all of his nutritional needs) and sit with him while he eats those too.
2. Bonding. Nursing is supposed to help mother and baby bond, but I assure you it was doing just the opposite in our case.
3. I was the only one who could nurse Bear. ( I realize that's selfish thinking, but it's honest.)

Bottle Feeding Pros:
1. Nutritional benefits, since we will only be feeding him breast milk in his bottles.
2. Time with mama (0r daddy) since we always hold him when he's drinking his bottles.
3. Bonding! Bottle feeding truly makes our relationship so much more loving. The stresses of nursing were just pushing us away from each other, and that's just not acceptable in an adoptive family situation.
4. Thomas can feed the baby a bottle when I am too burnt out to put the effort in.

So then I got to thinking about my motives for nursing Bear. Now, of course my main desire was to give Bear the very best, but I also discovered that one of my deep down motivations was pride. (Which is bad, according to the Bible!) I was proud that I was doing something that most people never could or would get to do. I was proud that I had put all this time and effort into getting to the point that I could actually nurse him. I wanted to do it because I told people I would do it. Now, that's not the right heart.

Someone encouraged me to "Do what you KNOW is right and not what you FEEL." I was doing what I felt I had to do to prove something to other people. What I know is right is for Bear to have a strong and loving relationship with his mommy, and anything that was getting in the way of that was surely not right for us! The same woman also said "I believe God put this strong desire in your heart for a reason" and I think that's true. But I don't think the reason is because I need to nurse Bear. I think, rather, that God had a couple of lessons for me to learn.

1. Things don't always have to be just the way I planned for them to be. There can be great blessing even if things turn out differently!
2. I need to stay true to God and do what is best for my family instead of trying to impress everyone else!
3. Be thankful for what I've got! God allowed me to nurse Bear for a whole month. How many adoptive mothers get the opportunity to do this? What an experience!

I've realized that even though we didn't make it to my original goal of nursing Bear until his first birthday, we did get to nurse for a whole month. And I stored up a bunch of pumped and frozen milk for him before he came home! All the time that I put into getting to the point of lactating was not a waste!

I'm happy with the way things went. I fought hard for us to nurse- nursing him was not easy. And I'm happy that I didn't give up because it was hard, but I chose to stop because it was not giving Bear with what he desperately needs: a mommy.

We're not nursing anymore, and I can honestly say that our relationship has grown and flourished since we stopped. I have no doubt that bottle feeding breast milk is exactly what we needed to do.

Photo Shoot

2010-03-08T10:56:00.000-08:00

My cousin, Roxanne, is THE BEST photographer I know, and she did a shoot with Bear last weekend. She gave me a sneak peek of what she got, so I thought I'd give you guys a sneak peek too! Thank you, Roxanne, especially for driving to meet us... you don't know how much this means to me!!!!

http://roxannepearcephotography.com/

The Nursing Saga Continued

2010-03-07T19:44:00.000-08:00

Boy... this nursing thing is sure a struggle! I went to a LC on Friday and she weighed Berynger before and after his feeding to see how much he was getting at breast. Less than an ounce. :( She suggested pumping every couple of hours, up to eight times a day. Which was fine before Bear came home, but we're having a rough transition already, and between caring for both of my boys (3 and 7 months) by myself during the day, I don't think I can emotionally or physically handle adding pumping in, too.

So, now I am trying to decide if I should even keep nursing. Bear doesn't really seem to like nursing. He seemed to enjoy it for awhile, but that has changed. Things are just so difficult and he is so squirmy and unfocused (I know that's probably an age thing, but it's just really really hard.) pulling of and popping my nipple around in his mouth, pulling my hair and slapping my chest. And I don't really enjoy it either. (I know that sounds terrible, but when I nursed my older son I didn't enjoy it then either. I just don't like nursing that much.)

I've been weighing the pros and cons of nursing verses bottle feeding for him, and I really don't know what to do. The biggest thing I want for him is all the nutritional benefits of breast milk, and even if we're bottle feeding him, it will be exclusively breast milk, so that doesn't help me make my decision. I feel like if nursing is a terrible strain on both of us, and neither of us are happy doing it then it isn't going to help us bond. Maybe it is even hurting our bonding relationship at this point.

Needless to say, I've got some important decision making to do. Right now I'm leaning toward offering for him to nurse once in the morning and once at night if he's interested and filling in the middle of the day with bottles of breast milk. Or maybe we'll just stop all together. I don't know what to do! Any and all advice or opinions are welcome and appreciated!

Polar Bear Plunge

2010-03-06T20:46:00.000-08:00

This last weekend Thomas and I and my brother and sister in law participated in a polar plunge. We dressed as pirates (long story) and dove in to a cold Washington winter lake. FUN! All in the name of the special olympics! We even made it onto the local news. ;) And we all know how I love attention! Here's the link:

http://www.krem.com/home/150-people-take-the-polar-plunge-for-Special-Olympic-athletes-85750917.html

Another bonus was that we were part of the Washington State Patrol team, so hopefully if I get pulled over for speeding now they'll let me go.

A Little Longer

2010-03-05T09:50:00.000-08:00

Well, I decided to keep this blog a little longer. I've realized that even though we have our son home, this adoption is far from over. It feels like our whole family is on a roller coaster, every day is something different. Some days feel great, like this is all right and we are making headway, but some days don't.

Someone sent this list to me after I mentioned having some trouble since being home. Maybe this can help someone else, too. It was written by Melissa Faye Greene, author of There Is No Me Without You... awesome book, I highly recommend it.

10. WHAT IF THINGS GET REALLY DIFFICULT WITH MY NEW CHILD AFTER WE ARRIVE HOME?

Things can get really hard. The demands of a baby, young child, or older child may far outweigh your earlier estimate of what you could handle. You may find yourself blinded by fatigue, bleary-eyed with regret and confusion. You may hear the word “Mom” more often than human ears can withstand. There’s a sort of “buyer’s remorse” that can kick in, after you bring this precious and long-awaited child home. You wouldn’t be the first to wonder, “WHAT was I THINKING?”

I’ve written elsewhere about post-adoption panic (see RECENT ARTICLES), which hit me hard after Jesse’s adoption in 1999.

Part of what was hard about it, for me, was that I’d never heard of it. I didn’t know what was wrong with me. I reached the conclusion that what was wrong with me was that I had ruined my life and the life of my family permanently, and there was no escape, and it was all my fault, and it would never get better.

It’s really hard to think rationally when you’re in this state.

In TWO LITTLE GIRLS: A Memoir of Adoption, [NY: Berkley Books, 2006], Theresa Reid writes of despair after the adoption of a second daughter, Lana, a three-year-old from Ukraine:

“I have no patience for this new child, who gets up two or three times during the night, and never sleeps past five-thirty A.M., who is hungry and desperately needs to eat, who asks for food, and then, when I hopefully, lovingly put food before her—even specially prepared food she has eaten happily before—cries and whines and angrily pushes it away. “Nyet!” she shrieks. “Nyyyyyyyeeeettt!” as she shoves it off her tray, kicking and flailing, then slumps in her seat with her head down and cries.”

Reid phones her adoption agency for help (I did the same in 1999), expecting to be offered support. Instead (as I was), she is met with confusion and bewilderment.

“I may be at my wits’ end,” Reid writes of her thoughts after ending that phone conversation, “but I think I can objectively say that this is NOT okay, to put together extremely challenging family constellations and then walk away. I hang up, abandoned, angry…”

The good news is that, in most cases, these can be the disharmonious opening notes of a love story. An out-of-synch beginning is not predictive of the parent/child relationship.

My tips for getting through a rocky and nauseating depression after the arrival of your child:

(1) Take really good care of yourself; do whatever it takes to get enough sleep, including spending the night at a friend’s or arranging a time and place for napping. NOTHING WILL WORK OUT IF YOU ARE SLEEP DEPRIVED.

(2) Make yourself eat and shower and exercise.

(3) Get help. HIRE help if you need to, even if you think you can't afford it. If you feel yourself spiraling into depression, you can't get out of it alone. While a babysitter is there, sleep or exercise or read or eat or go the library or do anything refreshing and pleasant other than caring for this darn child.

(4) Put Feelings on a back-burner. This is not the time for Feelings. If you could express your feelings right now, you’d be saying things like, “Oh my God, I must have lost my mind to think that I can handle this, to think that I wanted a child like this. I’ll never manage to raise this child; I’m way way way way over my head. I’ll never spend time with my spouse or friends again; my older children are going to waste away in profound neglect; my career is finished. I am completely and utterly trapped.” You see? What’s the point of expressing all that right now? Put Feelings in the deep freeze. Live a material life instead: wake, dress, eat, walk. Let your hands and words mother the new child, don't pause to look back, to reflect, or to experience emotions. "Shut up, Emotions," you'll say. "I'll check back with you in six months to see if you've pulled yourselves together. But no whining meanwhile!"

(5) Pick up something to read that carries you away. I’ve found that reading about Paleolithic art engenders deep calm and a sense of remove. There’s something about studying 40,000 year old cave painting that makes you feel you can survive the sound of your new child’s voice the next morning.

(6) Let yourself off the hook. This is not your fault. You’ve done a grand thing—you’ve gone out into the world in search of a child and, despite every obstacle over tens of thousands of miles, you’ve brought the child home. It's all going to work out in time. Meanwhile, you’re exhausted. This is all really hard. If it were easy, everyone would do it. You’re doing fine. Just rest up, find something to laugh about, and give Feelings the month off.

Saying Goodbye

2010-02-24T13:57:00.000-08:00

Just wanted to let everyone know that I'm going to be getting rid of this blog pretty soon. I started this blog to keep everyone updated on our adoption journey, and now that we're home I feel it has run its course! Thank you to everyone who followed, supported and encouraged us this past year... you've been a blessing!

First Haircut

2010-02-19T20:10:00.000-08:00

Berynger had his first haircut today. Well, his first haircut with us, anyway! He looks like such a stud with his short hair!

Before

After

UP

2010-02-18T19:25:00.000-08:00

Things are looking up. :) Last night Bear slept straight through until 4:30! It's amazing what some serious sleep can do for a gal. Bear is really settling in, and I can tell that he's much more comfortable now. Bear being more comfortable makes me feel more comfortable too, and we are all getting used to each other. I can honestly say that we are all attaching! Bear crawls after Thomas and me when we walk away, and sometimes he cries when we leave the room. We've learned how to make him smile much easier, how to comfort him, and how to balance his solid foods with nursing. And Bear has learned how to put himself to sleep which is a great help to us!

AND...

Bear is nursing like a champ! When we first started nursing, he would suck a couple of times and then pull off. He would arch his back and cry and I'd have to calm him down to try to get him to latch back on. All his limbs would be moving all over the place, and he would push himself off with his feet or hands and get angry when he did, not understanding what had happened. But now, he just lays there, calm and still, and suck suck sucks until I decide we're done! What sweet cuddle time (and bonding time) for mommy and baby!

Brenner just LOVES his baby brother! I thought that once he saw how much time and attention a baby takes (and takes away from him) that he wouldn't be so fond of Bear. But not so. He loves touching him and hugging him. Today, Thomas was feeding the baby some baby food. He got distracted and when he turned back to the baby, Brenner was sitting there with the spoon giving Bear bites and doing a great job. What a big brother. :) Seeing the two of them together makes me smile.

Berynger is a great baby. He pretty much only fusses when he needs to eat or sleep or when he's needing some lovin. He's very strong and is crawling all over the place and has been pulling himself to standing for some time now. The nannies at the care center said that they had to bring a toddler crib down to the baby room because he was pulling himself to standing in the bassinets. :) He's a very curious little guy and likes to explore everything. He's quiet in the car and loves riding in daddy's baby carrier. What a good boy!!

Thank the good Lord above for never giving us more than we can handle!

Home

2010-02-16T17:08:00.000-08:00

DISCLAIMER: I'm going to be incredibly honest in this post. I'm going to share things that we experienced that either most adoptive parents don't feel, or most adoptive parents don't talk about. Don't judge me! :)

Our trip was amazing, perfect even, right up until we took custody of Bear. All our flights over were all on time and efficient, we got lots of sleep during our travel, and all our bags made it to Ethiopia. Neither of us got sick (like so many of the families do when traveling to Ethiopia), Bear was super super healthy, and so many of our prayers were answered along the way.

Then we took custody.

Now, for us, loving a baby in a picture, and ooh-ing and awww-ing over his sweet cheeks and darling eyes is a whole lot different than liking a baby who needs something from you every moment of the day and night. No matter how cute he is.

I thought that from the moment I saw his referral picture I would not only love him to infinity, but I would like him too. I am still struggling with liking him. When he came back to the hotel with us, the first day was bliss, but on the second day, reality set in. It was really hard for lots of reasons. He's crawling, and there were lots of things in the hotel that he was not supposed to be touching for safety reasons. But there was nothing we could do about it because it was the hotel. When it was time to lay him down, he'd just climb right out of the moses basket that the hotel had provided for him to sleep in. He made noise ALL the time. He would get mad for what seemed like no reason and then arch his back and scream. His cry was like no cry I'd ever heard and incredibly irritating. He pulled my hair all the time, and he has an iron grip. Nursing him was (and half the time still is) one of the most frustrating things I've ever done. It's really hard getting to a place where you enjoy a baby that you don't know or understand yet. I don't know his cues, his schedule, why he's crying when he's crying, or understand the things he does, and I don't know how to fix things when they are wrong.

Through all of it I kept thinking "We just have to make it home."

But making it home was no small feat. We left Ethiopia Friday evening (Friday morning PST) and arrived home on Sunday morning around three. Our first flight was 17 hours. On that flight, Bear magically developed explosive diarrhea and pooped through two sets of clothes and on the only set of clothes that I had. When our plane landed we had two hours to make it through customs and immigration, collect our checked bags, recheck our bags, and make it to our gate. (While we were in the customs line, Berynger pooped through his third set of clothes and onto Thomas' only set of clothes.) Thomas had asked our travel agent if we would have time and she said "Oh yes.... you'll have plenty of time!" We didn't, and we missed our connecting flight and had a united agent reschedule it for that evening. When the time came to get to our gate, we found our flight had been delayed which meant that we would miss the connecting flight after that. So we rescheduled again. We ended up spending somewhere around 11 hours in the D.C. airport. Our flight out to San Francisco was delayed, but we did finally make it out of D.C. Then our flight from San Francisco to Seattle was delayed, and by that time I just couldn't believe all the missed, changed, and rescheduled flights. After all was said and done, we traveled for somewhere around 41 hours straight. With a new baby.

We finally made it home and are resting up. And we seriously need rest.

Now that we are home, we are all trying to get back on the right time zone. Things look a lot worse when everyone in the house is lacking sleep. And Thomas and I are still trying to figure Bear out and vice versa. Nursing is still a constant struggle, but one that I am not willing to lose just yet. (I've worked way too hard and long to nurse him to give up now.)

This adoption has been the most difficult and trying thing I have ever gone through, which was a surprise because I wasn't prepared for any of this. I thought that adoption would be all lollipops and roses because that seems to be all that any one talks about. I hope that this post will not scare any one away from adoption, but that it will help prepare other prospective adoptive parents for the possible difficulties when you bring your child home.

On a lighter note...

My sweet sister in law, Sara, met us at the airport on short notice to take pictures for us of Brenner welcoming his new baby brother home. Thank you, so much, Sara for doing this!

Now to the part of the post you've all been waiting for... pictures!

Brenner's Day

2010-02-01T15:29:00.000-08:00

I know it might be the "wrong" thing to say, (I find that usually the wrong thing to say is something everyone is thinking or feeling but unwilling to share) but there's something about losing the family of three to a family of four that makes my heart ache. Don't get me wrong, I so love the idea of being a family of four and finally having Berynger home, but there are some very special and treasured dynamics that we have enjoyed for the last three years that will soon be lost in the transition. So, yesterday we had a special day for Brenner as a celebration of one of our last days as a family of three. I figure no longer being the center of attention all the time is going to be a little rough on Brenner, so we wanted our sweet boy to have some fun before we leave for Ethiopia. We started out by going to the McDonald's play place at Brenner's request. Later, at home we had ice cream sundaes. We spread out all kinds of toppings and let Brenner choose whatever he wanted to have on his, and you know how a three year old loves choices! And for bedtime, Thomas and Brenner set up the tent in the living room and we had a family campout, complete with thunder storm tracks playing in the background. Brenner's really special day ended up being a really special day for all of us.

Holy camoly!

2010-01-29T16:30:00.000-08:00

We will meet Berynger exactly one week from today!

One Week!

2010-01-27T09:27:00.000-08:00

Well, we leave one week from today, and the preparations are in full swing. It has been pretty stressful trying to think of everything we may need and trying to get all of it done and ready. It's really hard packing when I don't truly know what our circumstances will be like, much less packing for a baby that we don't actually know yet. It's much harder trying to figure out what to bring for Bear than I thought it would be. For instance, will he be nursing or will he need formula? Bring formula just in case. How much and what kind? Two kinds and lots, just in case. Will he like the bottles we bring, and what about nipples? Bring three different kinds of nipples, just in case. Will he want pacifiers? Bring 5 different kinds. What size clothes does he wear? Bring three different sizes. What size diapers? And how many? Bring LOTS of two different sizes.

JUST.
IN.
CASE.

Whew! To be quite honest, I'm just ready to get this part of the adoption journey over with and be back home with my WHOLE family, resting and getting to know each other and finding our new "normal". Not to say that I'm not STOKED to see Ethiopia, and to hold my sweet boy for the first time. I am so stoked. I can't wait for those things. I'm just so done with packing and paperwork!

We heard about this idea from other families. We will be gone for ten days, so we wrapped ten presents for Brenner. This way he can have a visual of how long we will be gone and see the days counting down as the presents disappear! I think Brenner will really like this (what kid doesn't like presents?) and hopefully it will make the time away from Mommy and Daddy just a little easier. One more thing checked off my list!

As many of you know, I'm going to nurse Bear. It's amazing how normal this seems to me now, considering I didn't even know adoptive nursing was possible a year ago! Things on this front are going well. This has been my process so far:

1. 1 BCP pill every day for six months.
2. 2 Dom pills 4x a day every day for six months.
3. Increase Dom to 3 Dom pills 3 time a day.
4. 9 Fenugreek tablets each day.
5. 9 Blessed thistle tablets each day.
6. Cut out all mint and peppermint. (including switching toothpaste, gum, and chapstick)
7. Pumping once an hour every hour during the day
8. Pumping 3 times during the night.
9. Mama's milk tea
10. Lots of oatmeal!

Needless to say, it's been an uphill battle, but one I'm proud to have been fighting. As of now I am making 12oz a day for my sweet little one, and freezing and saving every drop I get for when baby gets home. What an honor to be able to give this gift to my son!

Ethiopia, here we come!

2010-01-15T12:28:00.000-08:00

We got our travel dates!!! We leave for Ethiopia on February 3rd and come home on the 13th. I CANNOT believe I'm actually going to meet, and hold, and kiss and snuggle my sweet little man!!!!

Another Update!

2010-01-13T21:27:00.000-08:00

Well, we got an update yesterday on Bear. I love reading about our sweet baby boy. The update was written on December 3rd, so he was almost 5 months then. Here are the highlights from the update:

He's 15 lbs and 24.8in. Growing!!!

He is getting ready to crawl, and the nannies say he is ahead of all the other babies his age... just like Brenner was!

"He is playful and wants to play with caretakers."

"Sleeps well if he is fed well and cries irritantly to go to sleep."

He cries when the caretakers leave him.

They say he's very fast at grabbing for things. Just what I need around here, another pair of quick little hands! :)

"He is a happy infant."

And, very exciting to me, is that he still has a rooting reflex. This could be really REALLY beneficial when he comes home and we are trying to nurse.

I can't wait to see all of these things for myself. I love my darling boy, and I am so so excited to meet him. I talked to our agency the other day and they said we should be traveling in February. It's getting close... They have two travel dates each month, and I'm really hoping for the first date next month. Can't hurt to pray!!

The second time IS a charm!!!

2009-12-23T09:39:00.000-08:00

We passed court today!!! We are officially the parents of two! (That sounds so so crazy to say, even though we have known this day was coming for the past year!) Now we just wait to find out when we can travel to pick our little guy up!! Luckily, we've already started getting things ready for travel, doing our travel shopping, etc so hopefully we won't be too stressed out getting ready to go. I can't believe traveling to Ethiopia is our next step!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PRAISE THE LORD!!

Court Date

2009-12-22T19:26:00.000-08:00

We've got our second court date today. Or tomorrow. Depending on if you're in the US or in Ethiopia. Pray, pray, pray that we will pass this time around and bring our sweet baby home! We're keeping in mind that this is all in His timing, and trust that He knows what is best... for us and for Berynger!

Family Birthday

2009-12-12T20:00:00.000-08:00

We had a second birthday celebration on Brenner's actual birthday. It was so special to spend that time together celebrating Brenner, just the three of us. What a gift Brenner is!

Birthday Boy

2009-12-07T08:58:00.000-08:00

Brenner's three! Can you believe it? We had a pool party, perfect for a December birthday, right? Brenner had a blast and was spoiled like nobodies business. Thank you everyone who came and helped Brenner celebrate this very special day!

Blowing out the candles.

The castle cake.

Singing Happy Birthday... he loves this part!

The boys fetching the pizzas.

Daddy and Brenner... pool party!

New train set from Mommy and Daddy.

Train tunnel, coming through!

Cake courtesy of Connie Bedient.

Pictures courtesy of Sara Bedient.

Baby Update!

2009-12-01T22:38:00.000-08:00

We received an update on our sweet little boy the other day. It truly warms my heart hearing about what Bear is like, physically and personality wise.

He is now 23.2 inches long and weighs 12lbs. He's grown! Thomas found a US growth chart to see how he compares to other children in height and weight. Turns out he is around the 10th percentile for both, which seems about right as Ethiopian babies are generally smaller than babies born in the US.

The report also said that he "Babbles and laughs while playing. Smiles spontaneously. Stretches arms to reach objects." and "The care takers adore ____________. He is a playful child." It kind of makes me proud hearing that the nannies "adore" him!

Can't wait to see his little personality first hand and be captured by all his darlingness! (I know that's not a word!)

God's Timing

2009-11-24T10:33:00.000-08:00

We got an email from our agency today informing us that we did not pass our court hearing. All that means is that we have to wait longer. Apparently, the MOWA (Ministry of Women's Affairs) failed to provide a vital piece of paperwork to the court. The MOWA is in charge of adoptions in Ethiopia, they provide written support of the adoption to the courts, and provide letters to the US Embassy allowing them to issue the child a visa. We have had another court case scheduled and get to take another stab at it on the 23rd of December.

I cannot complain that we didn't pass. When I prayed about our court case, I asked the Father that He would help us pass the first try, and if we didn't pass that He would bless me with peace. He answered my prayer, not in passing (which is what I really would have liked!) but by giving me peace and allowing me to trust in His timing. The peace He has blessed me with throughout this whole adoption process has been beyond amazing. I feel no worry about any of the hiccups we've encountered, and that is awesome. He has grown me through this process, and now He's stretching me a little further.

Here's to the 23rd!

God answers prayer!!!

2009-11-16T14:52:00.000-08:00

Oh my word!!!!!! Okay, so... I tried to take a nap today while Brenner was napping. No luck! When I got up I decided to check my email, and I had an email from our agency telling us that we've had a court date scheduled! November 24! I CANNOT believe how soon that is! It's just blowing my mind! But, I should also tell you that all the court dates that are scheduled for the next two months are tentative. "... this means there is a high likelihood that your case not be heard and will be re-scheduled for another day." I'd be lying if I told you I'm not hoping to pass on the 24th, but I am also realistic about the possibilities of our case not making it through. Nonetheless, we have a date and that means progress!

Now, not only did we get a court date, but we got a picture!!!!!!! And, not just one picture, but four!! Let me tell you that he is just so stinking handsome! He's got the biggest chubby cheeks (just like his big brother) and big sweet lips. They cut his hair shorter than it was in the last picture we saw, and it looks so handsome on him! His cuteness is just mind boggling!

What a day full of blessings from our wonderful Father!

Waiting...

2009-11-13T08:43:00.000-08:00

The ultimate Halloween machine

2009-11-02T07:59:00.000-08:00

We went to Wenatchee to spend Halloween with my cousin and her kidd0s. It was so good! The kids (and Roxanne and I) dressed as the characters from The Wizard of Oz. First we went and rode a little kid sized train. The wait was between 1 1/2 and 2 hours. It was crazy, but Brenner really really enjoyed it. Then we went trick or treating. Brenner absolutely hated his scarecrow hat because the straw was tickling him, but once he got the first piece of candy he didn't even care anymore. Every door we went to people were just falling all over themselves with how cute the kids were. "Oh, you guys are so cute! It's the Wizard of Oz!" "This is the BEST thing I've seen all night!" And we were just eating up all the compliments! We had a blast. Here are a couple snapshots from our super fun night, and I'll post more pics later, once I have copies of Roxanne's PROfessional pictures!

The Crew

The train ride.

The Wicked Witch of the West and
Glenda the Good Witch

My sweet scarecrow.

Mama's got the magic of information.

2009-10-30T10:33:00.000-07:00

Well, we got some more info on our bubbi a couple days ago. I thought it was a child update, with new height and weight information, an updated picture, etc.

I opened the image file that was attached to the email, and as I was waiting for it to download, I had butterflies in my stomach thinking about what my sweet boy would look like after this past couple months of growth and changes.

And when the image popped up on the screen, it was my agencies logo. No picture of Berynger after all!!!

WHAT?!

I was so disappointed. It wasn't an update at all, but it was still really great information. It was a document all about when he came into care, and what surrounded that, what his circumstances were like, and different situations that he had encountered. It was really neat reading all that, learning more about who he is and what he has experienced so far in his young life.

But, I must admit, I'm still looking forward to an update and seeing that darling face again!

And lastly, here is a little taste of a Feeney fall!

Playing in the leaves.

Kicking around the soccer ball.

My ghost cake masterpiece!

Pumpkin Tested, Mother Approved

2009-10-17T23:53:00.000-07:00

I am so excited for Fall and all of the fun things that come with it! Pumpkin patches, costumes, trick or treating, CANDY, fall colors, and family time.

This last couple of weeks has been really fun. We took Brenner to the pumpkin patch and let him choose his own pumpkin. He loved every minute of it! We went through the corn maze, which was fun for Thomas and me, but not really Brenny boy's thing. He was tired of walking about thirty seconds in! (He gets the laziness from me.) We got to make our traditional Halloween cookies with my sweet girlfriend Missy and her kiddos (minus one!), which was a total blast for me. The kids liked it too. :)

And now we're getting all geared up for trick or treating. Brenner is dressing up with his three cousins as the four main characters from The Wizard of Oz. It's going to be super cute, PLUS my cousin is an uber awesome photographer and will get awesome pictures of the whole ordeal. I can't wait! I hope everyone is enjoying this season as much as me. Praise God for the way He created the earth... I'd get way too bored if it was one season all year round!

The patch.

Mommy and Brenner. And a monstrous pumpkin.

Lookin like real farmers in the corn maze.

Look at all the beautiful orange pumpkins. They're everywhere! And Brenner chose the ONLY, 30 lb, ugly, green pumpkin in the whole patch! Just like Brenner, original. :)

Brenner carving his pumpkin. And by Brenner I obviously mean Thomas.

Brenner wanted to paint his pumpkin SO bad. I love how it turned out!

The final product. :)

Accessorizing Bear

2009-09-28T09:40:00.000-07:00

I didn't really buy anything for Brenner when he was small. I got all kinds of hand-me-downs (thank you, Roxanne!) and thrift store specials to help us save money. So, I never really chose things that I liked and I wanted for baby. This time, I'm making up for it. I bought all kinds of adorable customized accessories for Bear, and I'm so excited. Who knew boys could use so many accessories! Buying cute little things seems like something I can do to feel closer to having him home while we are waiting for a court date.

Bear's new burp cloths.

Wet bags. These are for wet cloth diapers when you're out and about,
or you can use them for wet swimsuits and towels. Love 'em!

Some new dishes, by Boon.

Diaper wipes case, bibs, burp cloths,
lovie blanket, and a changing pad. Whew!

Berynger's lovie blanket in his crib.

The Sound

2009-09-27T13:47:00.000-07:00

Yesterday we took a family outing to the Nisqually Nature Research Center. Brenner had a blast, and Thomas and I really enjoyed getting out, seeing the water, and spending good quality time together as a family. The center had aquariums inside where Brenner could climb up on step stools to see the animals of the sound... sea cucumbers, starfish, anemones, etc. Great learning experience for him!

Date Night #2

2009-09-18T09:11:00.000-07:00

We had our second date night and it rocked! We went to Chuck E. Cheese and played games, ate pizza, and won some prizes. This was the best idea ever. We had a total blast!

Date Night

2009-09-02T21:28:00.000-07:00

Well, Thomas and I have decided to start implementing date night. I'm really excited about this. :) Tonight was our first of many date nights to come, and I have to say that before tonight I honestly don't remember the last time we had a date.

We ended up going to a Seattle Mariner's game, which was great, because Thomas has been wanting to go to one since we moved to this area. We got a babysitter for the youngin, and away we went! It was a lot of fun just being together, and I'm already looking forward to our next date.
On a totally unrelated note... :)
I bought personalized beach towels for the boys. I know, it's not like they need them now, but they are so darn cute! I'm going a little retail therapy crazy this time around... I don't know!!!

Paper Pregnant

2009-08-30T20:46:00.001-07:00

... or fake pregnant, as Thomas says. :) Here's the deal. I am taking all kinds of pills in an effort to help me nurse Berynger once he is home. These pills are fooling my body into thinking it's pregnant, and wow are they doing a good job. It's really throwing me for a loop! I'm having unbelievable cravings, starving to death 20 minutes after dinner, and feeling bloated like nobodies business. The cravings I'm having walking through the grocery store are astonishing, and so are the effects they're having on my weight! All I can say is I can't wait for sweet baby to get home so I can get off these stinkin pills and start nursing!!!

BABY!!!

2009-08-21T19:07:00.001-07:00

Okay, so I may have gone a little baby crazy in the last two days. So far I've bought a bouncer, eight onesies, one whole outfit, and four pairs of leg warmers. This could be bad. :)

Brenner has a very special puppy blanket that he's had since he was born. This morning he put his puppy in the bouncer and said it was for Berynger and that he would like it. I think he's liking this whole brother idea.

Today's the day!

2009-08-18T05:02:00.000-07:00

Well, actually yesterday was the day. :) I am too excited to sleep and have been up since three, so I've got to get this out of my system!

I have to start off by saying that God works in mysterious ways. Only a matter of days ago I had heard (from another family adopting through our agency) that there was about to be a batch of referrals sent out. Well, being #4 on the waitlist I thoroughly expected for our referral to be in that batch! I waited as long as I could, which was only a few days, and after not hearing anything I called the agency to see what was up. I asked if they had sent out any referrals lately, and she said "Yes, we have, but we haven't had a chance to run the waitlist numbers yet. If you call back in a couple weeks we'll be able to tell you where you are on the list." In my head I was saying "I don't care where we are on the list, I just want to know if we're getting a stinkin referral!" but instead I said "Thank you," and hung up the phone.

The hard part for me was expecting a referral and not really knowing if it was coming or not. When I found out that they had sent out referrals and that ours wasn't in there, I was actually, surprisingly, 100% alright with that! I figured it would be better to not have to wait through court closures with a picture in hand anyway.

And sure enough, as soon as I had surrendered myself to the idea of waiting another month, and when I was just realizing (again) that God knows exactly when to do the deed, the call came. :) I was just starting a batch of laundry and I missed the call from our agency because my phone was on vibrate. When I picked my phone up and saw that I'd missed a call from Holt, I just knew it was a referral. They don't call just to say "Top of the morning!" and "How do you do?!" you know! I called them right back and sure enough, she said "I have a referral for you!" She told me he was less than a month old and I just started bawling like a baby! (He's actually a month and a week old today.)

I called Thomas crying and said "We got a referral!" He told me he was driving and almost home. It worked out perfect and we got to look at his sweet little face for the first time together.

So then, a couple hours later I look in the washing machine and realize that it's empty. I ran the whole load with out any clothes in it!! I must have been excited or something. :)

Now for the juicy details. We are not allowed to post any pictures of our son on any public forms, blogs, or websites until he is legally ours. But, the next best thing is telling you what a doll he is! He has big, dark, sad eyes, probably sad because they take the picture when they are first arriving at the care center and still don't have any idea what's going on or who anyone is. He's got lots of dark wispy curls all over his sweet little head, and big pouty lips. He has darling chubby cheeks and looks very healthy! I don't know if you guys know what I mean if I say a newborn look, but he's got it. You can just tell that he's little and new to this world by the way his body is formed and the look on his face. What a doll. Now I know what people mean by falling in love with a picture!

???

2009-08-12T09:36:00.000-07:00

Is a referral EVER going to come???!!! Okay, okay. I know that we've had a super duper short wait compared to most international adoptive families, but I can't help that I'm impatient, alright?! Last referrals were July 2nd, and I was hoping the next batch would have been out by now. Pray for my sanity!

Friends

2009-08-10T09:27:00.000-07:00

I had an awesome weekend with one of my oldest friends. They came to our house to visit, and we had a total blast. Our time was full of reconnecting, laughter, and learning about each other again... what could be better?! I love you guys!

Cloth Photo Album

2009-08-05T23:24:00.000-07:00

Alright. Our adoption agency allows us to send a family photo album to our child once we've accepted a referral. So... I decided that since our son will be an infant, a cloth book full of pictures would be the way to go! My mom and I have been working our cute little hinies off. Well, we finally completed that little bugger! Woo! The front cover will have babies name or something cute on it, and it's filled with pictures of mommy, daddy, and brother so he can become familiar with our faces before we meet. My favorite parts are that it has fabric from his room as the cover for him to see and touch, and on the "brother" page Brenner got to color a picture for his little brother. I can't wait to send this to our sweet little boy!

Ethiopia

2009-07-29T23:12:00.000-07:00

Did you know that 1 in 14 women will die in childbirth in Ethiopia? It's 1 in 2800 in the U.S. Woah.

The Closet Doctor

2009-07-23T12:28:00.000-07:00

Yay! Their closet is finally done! You wouldn't even believe how much work this ridiculous closet was, but now I can put all that behind me. :) We bought the toy box at a garage sale, and let me tell you... it did NOT look good. It was red and white with some sad little wood letters that were barely hanging on by a thread. I gave it a little TLC, and Brenner loves it now! I also painted the bins and the three cubby shelf, and I'm pretty happy with how it all turned out. Now if we could just get a referall so that I could go crazy baby clothes shopping and get some darling baby outfits hung in that closet!

Worker Bee

2009-07-14T20:55:00.000-07:00

I've been sanding, painting, nailing and rearranging my fanny off! Transitioning a room that is used for only one child to be used for two is really no simple task. I've got my work cut out for me, but I'm inching my way through! It does my heart good to see progress being made. :)

WHAT?!

2009-07-09T10:14:00.001-07:00

Okay, so... less than a month ago we were at number 14 on the waitlist. We're number 4 now... can you believe it? I am just in awe at how fast this is going. I did not expect anything in international adoption to move along quickly, but here we are! So, I'm expecting there to be another batch of referrals in the next three weeks to a month, and I'm also expecting that we will be getting one of those referrals. I can hardly even wrap my mind around the idea of seeing my son's face for the first time!!! So, anyway, I will keep you all posted! (Just a side note... photography in the last post was by Vanessa Wadsworth, Roxanne Pearce and Sara Bedient.)

Summer

2009-07-01T09:07:00.000-07:00

Since I haven't really been posting too much lately, I decided to give everyone a taste of the Feeney family summer through... you got it! A picture update!!! Yay! Enjoy! (Especially you, Roxanne!)

Holmes Family Reunion 2009, The Wild Comanches ride again!

My very best friend in the whole wide world, and also my trash the dress photographer!

Trashin' the dress... check out the sick truck!

But we didn't actually get the chance to fully trash it.

Just lots of awesome pics.

The goof troop.

My sweet boy.

Brenner, Matthew and Alex... perfect!

Alex loving on Brenner, and Brenner loving every minute of it!

Father's Day camping trip.

My man, workin his buns off.

The tree he chopped down.

Brenner, my little lumberjack!

Bridesmaid cake fight!!

My 24th birthday.

The cake... awesome! (My mom made it.)

The inside of the cake... rockin!

Me and my boy, Brenner.

My Dad, my brother, and me getting beat on.

Go karting... so fun!

What a gorgeous wedding!

All the gals.

Classic Bride/Maid of Honor pic, right?

Movin' on up!

2009-06-12T14:21:00.000-07:00

Holy cow!!! Thomas called Holt today, and we've moved up to #14 on the waitlist! My mind is so beyond boggled right now! We turned in our dossier at the beginning of May, so we have moved nine spots in ONE month. If referrals keep coming out at this rate, we will know who our little baby is in, like, six weeks!!!!!!!

WOAH!

A Weekend Off

2009-05-24T18:35:00.000-07:00

Me and my favorite Sara!

Boy oh boy! Well, this weekend was a success! Thomas took Brenner to go looking for shed Elk antlers. My sister in law, Sara, came to visit and we had a BLAST! Movies, restaurants, shopping, Wii, wine, coffee, donuts and lots of girly gab!

Thomas' 6 point Elk shed.

Daddy and his boy!

Thomas had a great weekend, too. He found a six point elk shed and... wait for it... a 90 year old man who had been stranded in the woods for four days. The man is from Tacoma and was expected for breakfast one morning but never showed. Somehow he went hours from home, got his vehicle stuck in the woods and was alone for four days with no food and no water. 90 YEARS OLD!!! Thomas saved his life! Rescue personnel came and took him to the hospital, and it seems he is well on his way to recovery. We found an article online about the man going missing, but it hasn't been updated yet to say that he has been found. Check it out here: http://blogs.thenewstribune.com/crime/2009/05/22/90_year_old_roy_man_missing_since_tuesda#comments
What a weekend!

(Pics compliments of Sara Bedient's camera!)

Here is the article about the man being found.
http://blogs.thenewstribune.com/crime/2009/05/22/90_year_old_roy_man_missing_since_tuesda#comments

Deuce Deuce

2009-05-18T12:37:00.000-07:00

Referrals were made, so we've moved up a few spots! Yay for progress!! It seems that referrals generally come in bunches, so there may have been even more made that people haven't accepted yet, which would mean we could be moving up a few more spots. This is really happening!

Uh oh.

2009-05-14T13:44:00.000-07:00

Clothies

2009-05-13T10:27:00.000-07:00

Okay, mamas! If you haven't tried cloth diapers, you HAVE to! They are AWESOME! Now, I'm not talking your grandma's cloth diapers. No. Now they are adorable, lots of different colors, cute as can be on your babies buns. And, wait for it... they velcro! No more folding and pinning. On and off just like a disposable, but at a fraction of the cost. We started using cloth diapers just after our boy turned one, and oh, how I wish we had discovered them earlier. Now that Brenner is almost potty trained, I am looking forward to doing clothies with our youngest. His little butt will be so cute in these things! Ask me questions about them, or check them out here: http://nickisdiapers.com/catalog.php?category=592 Seriously, if you do this, you will not regret it. It's one of my favorite things we've done with Brenner!

If you...

2009-05-12T10:01:00.000-07:00

If you have food in the refrigerator, clothes on your back, a roof overhead and a place to sleep, you are richer than 75% of this world.

If you have money in the bank, in your wallet, and spare change in a dish someplace, you are among the top 8% of the world's wealthy.

If you woke up this morning with more health than illness, you are more blessed than the million who will not survive this week.

If you have never experienced the danger of battle, the loneliness of imprisonment, the agony of torture, or the pangs of starvation, you are ahead of 500 million people in the world.

If you can attend a church meeting without fear of harassment, arrest, torture or death, you are more blessed than 3 million people in the world.

If your parents are still alive and still married, you are very rare, even in the united states.

If you can read this, you are more blessed than over 2 billion people in the world who cannot read at all.

If you hold up your head with a smile on your face and are truly thankful, you are blessed because the majority can but most do not.

(I recieved this in an email last year, and slightly edited it to fit my purposes. I don't know how accurate the statistics are, but I think it is something to consider.)

2009-05-04T21:24:00.000-07:00

We found out today that we are number twenty five on the wait list... that's so much higher than we expected! Apparently about a bajillion people received referrals last month, so the wait list was shortened. Things seem to be moving along quite nicely!! Be praying for our son, wherever and whoever he is! HOW EXCITING!

2009-04-30T09:53:00.000-07:00

Well, I mailed our Dossier in yesterday. It was the funniest thing, handing it over to the lady at FedEx, I felt a little nauseous. Thinking about all of the hours of work that went into getting all these papers from all of these different sources, and the fact that all of the originals were in this envelope... I just don't want anything getting lost or damaged in the mail! :) So, soon we will hear from our agency what number we are on the waitlist... crazy that we're at this point now! It's going faster than I realized, kind of how at your babies second birthday you look back and think "Where did the time go? How did we get here so fast?!" Yeah, that's how I'm feeling! I'm getting ready to mail in some immigration paperwork and will be SO glad to have that out of the way!

Homestudy Finalized

2009-04-28T14:21:00.000-07:00

Well, well, well! Our homestudy was finalized today. All three copies were notarized and just waiting for me to pick them up. Now they have to be state certified, and then we can send our dossier once we get our invoice from Holt. Thomas is taking the homestudy up to the capital today to get it all certified and ready to send off. One more check on the checklist... hallelujah! Now, the next part is the part I'm not looking forward to: immigration paperwork, so be praying for me, guys!

Homestudy Approved

2009-04-22T20:37:00.000-07:00

Our homestudy was approved by our adoption agency today. That's good news! We're working to finish up some parent training that is required for international adoption and must be completed before our dossier can be finalized. I have to admit, I'm pretty frustrated with our adoption agency, because they never told us that we needed to do this training. Our social worker had to tell us. We would have had it done months ago if we had known. I feel like our agency hasn't really helped us with anything. When we were researching agencies, I was looking for one that would do a little bit of handholding, as I was not very familiar with all the ins and outs of international adoption. It seems like we've had to figure everything out on our own, or by using the message boards, or friends or our social worker. Now, that's not to say that I don't think Holt is a great, ethical, and expediant agency. They are. I've only heard wonderful things about them, I guess I was just looking for something different from our agency. Oh well! Frustrations are sure to come and go through out this process!

Moving Along

2009-04-21T09:22:00.000-07:00

Our social worker emailed me the draft of our homestudy last night, so we're getting there! We just found out that there is some adoption training online that we need to complete, so we're working on that. I'll keep you all updated!

Home Study Home Visit... DONE!

2009-03-22T22:25:00.000-07:00

Well, well, well... I am happy to report that our part of the Homestudy is officially OVER! Our social worker was so so super duper awesome. She knew that Thomas would be leaving for his school, and she made the greatest effort to finish up all of our interviews before he left. I was seriously amazed at how fast she scheduled all of our interviews... I mean, we applied on the fifth of March and were completely done by the nineteenth! I expected the process to take, like, three months or something, and she got us through in exactly two weeks! I am just feeling so awesomely blessed by the people that God has placed in our lives throughout this process, including our social worker. So, anyway, she told me to expect the tentative write up of the homestudy before Thomas gets back from school!!! (I feel like I am REALLY over using the exclamation points, but I can't help it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) Once we've turned our dossier in (which is all ready except the homestudy) we are officially WAITING!!!

Leanne, I just want to tell you that you are a wonderful wonderful woman and a super mentor in this process. Thank you for the person you are and all the time you commit to helping me figure things out! YOU'RE AWESOME!

Homestudy

2009-03-15T18:17:00.000-07:00

We've officially started our homestudy. Yay! We've done two of our three interviews and have the third scheduled for Tuesday. So far things have gone really well. The social worker was concerned with our age, our yearly salary, and some of our past. But, as she's gotten to know us more she has become increasingly impressed with our family! She says she's very happy with our having owned a house already, our savings, our decision to make our marriage our priority and on and on. That's a great sign! She said we are the youngest couple she's worked with toward adoption in her twenty years, that most are in their late thirties or early forties. So, after the three interviews the only thing left is the home visit and waiting for our social worker to write up our homestudy. We will have to wait to have our social worker over for the home visit until after Thomas is back from his stupid month long Army school. :)

I feel like things are just moving right along, and I feel like there have been constant awesome blessings showering us through out the process so far. I am so eternally grateful for God's soveriegnty and His amazing ability to control this entire process.

Stepping Stones

2009-03-05T20:34:00.000-08:00

I am happy to report that we are slowly stepping through the paper part of the process. Today I met the social worker who is doing our homestudy. She's so sweet, and I'm so glad that she's the one working with us! Bad news is that she is only working there for one more month. So, she'll be doing our interviews and another woman will do our home visit and write up our homestudy. Anyway, I turned in all our homestudy application paperwork today, and that is a huge load off my mind! The application checklist was 18 items long, and it seemed to take FOREVER to get through it! But, it's done now. :)

Also on the list of happy things is that we are practically done with our dossier, too. We have one more document that we are waiting on to be mailed back to us that needs to be included in the dossier. Now, we can't actually turn it in until our homestudy is completed, but just having our part of the dossier done will wash a huge wave of relief over me. We're working through the process, and I'm feeling good! Come on, sweet baby!

Had to happen sometime...

2009-02-19T17:22:00.001-08:00

Wow, well, I hate to say it but Sarah Morale is at an all time low regarding this whole adoption process. When we were only working on the paperwork that goes into the Dossier, I felt like I was just flying through it. Now we are working on the Dossier and our paperwork for the Home Study application. It doesn't sound like an application would be much paperwork, but, wow. So, anyway, I have three different "To Do" lists running at the same time, and even though I am getting things checked off, it still feels like I am getting NOTHING done because I still have three lists. And it's not just filling out paperwork about ourselves, it's answering in depth questions, having other people fill out references for us, mailing things all over the country and back, notarize this, state certify that, fax here, sign there, and wait wait wait.

The thing that is REALLY frustrating me is that it seems every time we go somewhere to complete one of our "tasks" there is some kind of problem. Everything we try to get done we have to do five or six times over because four or five of those times something ridiculous is wrong. Example: I have been trying to turn in our passport applications for weeks. It's taken forever to get our passport pictures done and all the documents together that we needed. We moved two weeks ago and our internet company took two whole weeks to hook our internet up at our new place. (You can't imagine how many things I needed to do for this adoption but couldn't because I didn't have internet access.) So, Thomas couldn't complete his application until we got our internet. Then we both have to be there to turn in our applications, so it's taken a while for Thomas to get off early enough to go. Finally today we made the trek to City Hall and finally found our way to where we were supposed to turn them in. The lady said "Sorry. We only take apps on Tuesday and Thursday from one to three." She told us that we could turn it in at the post office five days a week, so we headed over to the post office. We waited at the post office and then the lady at the counter said "We stop taking them at four." I was about ready to cry when we left. It might not seem like a lot, but when we are trying to do fifty different things and nothing goes right it starts to get really discouraging.

Not for one minute have I questioned whether this was the right thing for our family or not. I will not let the struggle waiver my determination or my anticipation for meeting our darling boy. But, I sure could use some prayer and encouragement.

We are halfway there!

2009-01-25T16:02:00.001-08:00

We had our taxes done yesterday, and we are getting a return of $5,677! WOW! That puts our savings at about $10,000!!! That's half of what we need, and we have close to a year to save the other half.

I would be lying if I said that there aren't days when I doubt that God will help us figure out how to pay for this adoption. But He is in control of everything! He created the heavens and the earth. God perfectly sculpted each of our bodies. He made every single thing that we see, feel, smell or taste each day. Of course He is capable of bringing a mere 20,000 dollars together!

Anyway, I am feeling very blessed, and very relieved. God knows Bear, who he is and who he will be, and he cares about him. He will work it out and I just feel privileged to be a part of it. Thank you, Lord, for our son, and thank you for however and whenever you bring him to us.

Budget

2009-01-14T09:08:00.000-08:00

I thought that Thomas and I did pretty well with our money. We have always made our bills a priority, we've never gone without food, clothes or shelter, we've chosen not to go into debt or use credit cards, and we tithe.

But through this adoption God has already allowed me to learn a ton more about our finances. It's exciting that He is blessing us through this process now, and we only started a couple of weeks ago!

I've started seriously budgeting our money. I mean down to the last penny. My mom sent me the Excel spread sheet that she uses for her budgeting, and I started using it for mine too. Now, this is not to say that it isn't a TON of work, because it is, but I am amazed at how much money we were wasting without realizing we were wasting it. We save so much more each month now than I ever thought was possible on our paycheck. It's AWESOME!

God always provides me with the most wonderful people to help show me His way. I am so thankful!

Looking forward to what He will do next,
Sarah

Roadblock #1

2009-01-07T17:45:00.000-08:00

One of the main reasons that we chose to adopt from Ethiopia was because I am so young. Most countries will not allow a family to adopt unless the parents are 25 or even older, so that really limited our options. Ethiopia required only one parent to be 25, but different adoption agencies put their own requirements on top of the country requirements. A lot of agencies won't allow a family to adopt through their Ethiopia program unless you are both 25+, so that limited our agency choices, too. I knew that the agency we decided to work with had an age requirement, so I had called the agency to find out whether they required one or both of us to be 25 before we sent our application in. Thomas is twenty six, and they said that it would be fine since one of us met the age requirement. So, we applied to this adoption agency.

Well, the agency called and left me a message yesterday. Not good news! They said that they had to deny our application because I am only 23 and they required both parents to be at least 25. I was super confused! Isn't that what I had called about and discussed with them before we sent our application in?

When I listened to the message I started tearing up thinking that we would have to wait years before Bear would be home. I was instantly discouraged... it doesn't take a whole lot to discourage me. :) But I got to thinking, this doesn't mean anything! It doesn't mean we can't adopt! It just means we may have to apply to some other agencies. It was a roadblock, but it certainly wasn't one that we couldn't conquer! If we want to adopt, we will make it happen!

I called the agency today and left a message for the Ethiopia program director. About an hour later a woman called me back saying that she was the one who left me the voicemail yesterday. She said that she thought that she had to deny our application because of my age, but she had talked with the other staff and found out that they had given us special permission! I was beaming from ear to ear!

So, needless to say, we are back on with our original adoption agency. I am so excited, and I think that maybe God was just throwing me a little curve ball to teach me a thing or two. If He wants to bring this little boy into our family (and I firmly believe that He does), then He will make it happen, no matter what obstacles we may encounter! He is so powerful, so awesome!!! Like you said, Leanne, I just have to trust that His timing is perfect. It always is!

Patience is a virtue!

2009-01-05T12:58:00.001-08:00

Well, we haven't heard back from our application yet. They said we would find out if we had been accepted within a day or two, but the holidays have complicated things! I'm checking my email twenty times a day looking for a reply from the agency... I guess I will just keep checking! I guess I should just calm down and realize that there will be a lot more waiting before the coming year is over and baby is home!

Biblical Foundation for Adoption

2008-12-30T20:06:00.000-08:00

I have thought a lot about this subject since we first started really discussing adopting. I've scoured God's word to find what He has to say about it. And since I have, I can say that I sincerely believe that He would have all who are able participate in adoption.

I'm so interested in how often the bible talks about who God is in conjunction with Him caring deeply for the orphaned.

"...You have been the helper of the orphan." Ps. 10:14

"He executes justice for the orphan and the widow and shows His love for the alien by giving him food and clothing." Deut 10:18

"A Father of the fatherless and a Judge for the widows is God in His holy habitation." Ps. 68:5

"The Lord protects the strangers, He supports the fatherless and the widow, but He thwarts the way of the wicked." Ps. 146:9

God has offered salvation to us through His son... WE are adopted!!

I believe God our Father deeply understands what it would be to be lost without the protection that parents are meant to provide for us. Because He understands, He cares. And because He cares, He protects, supports, fathers, and helps children who are alone. Doesn't it make sense that if it is a part of our Creator's character that He would call us to make it a part of ours as well?

"And whoever receives one such child in My name receives Me." Mat. 18:5

"For I was hungry, and you gave Me something to eat; I was thirsty, and you gave Me something to drink, I was a stranger, and you invited Me in; naked, and you clothed Me;I was sick, and you visited Me;" Mat. 25:35,36 "...Truly I say to you, to the extent that you did it to one of these brothers of Mine, even the least of them, you did it to Me." Mat. 25:40

Regarding the "capable wife": "She extends her hand to the poor, and she stretches her hands to the needy." Prov. 31:20

"Pure and undefiled religion in the sight of our God and Father is this: to visit orphans in their distress, and to keep oneself unstained by the world." James 1:27

(This verse in particular interests me because it says THE womb, not MY womb.) "Behold, children are a gift fo the Lord, the fruit of the womb is a reward."

If you want to read more about the biblical foundation for adoption, you can go to http://www.ppl.org/adopt.html . I personally thought it was pretty interesting. :)

I am so thankful that God has given me a heart for adoption. I've got a feeling that this little boy is going to be a HUGE blessing!

Applying

2008-12-28T08:42:00.000-08:00

Well... the process has begun! WE ARE ADOPTING!!!

Thomas and I decided in the summer of 2008 that it was time for us to adopt. The more we researched and talked about the adoption, I realized that Brenner was still very young. I didn't think I could handle two babies in diapers at the same time! So, instead of starting in the summer we set a goal of turning our application in by the January 1st, 2009.

We submitted our application yesterday, and I almost can't believe it. We have officially started the process... wow! I received an email from our agency this morning saying that we should hear from them within two business days as to whether we have been accepted or not.

For everyone that doesn't already know, we are looking to bring home a boy younger than Brenner. We plan to name him Bear. It's funny how much hearing that name already means to us considering we haven't even met our son yet.

Thanks for reading, and please continue to pray for our family. I'll try to be diligent about keeping you all updated!