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DISCLAIMER: I'm going to be incredibly honest in this post. I'm going to share things that we experienced that either most adoptive parents don't feel, or most adoptive parents don't talk about. Don't judge me! :)

Our trip was amazing, perfect even, right up until we took custody of Bear. All our flights over were all on time and efficient, we got lots of sleep during our travel, and all our bags made it to Ethiopia. Neither of us got sick (like so many of the families do when traveling to Ethiopia), Bear was super super healthy, and so many of our prayers were answered along the way.

Then we took custody.

Now, for us, loving a baby in a picture, and ooh-ing and awww-ing over his sweet cheeks and darling eyes is a whole lot different than liking a baby who needs something from you every moment of the day and night. No matter how cute he is.

I thought that from the moment I saw his referral picture I would not only love him to infinity, but I would like him too. I am still struggling with liking him. When he came back to the hotel with us, the first day was bliss, but on the second day, reality set in. It was really hard for lots of reasons. He's crawling, and there were lots of things in the hotel that he was not supposed to be touching for safety reasons. But there was nothing we could do about it because it was the hotel. When it was time to lay him down, he'd just climb right out of the moses basket that the hotel had provided for him to sleep in. He made noise ALL the time. He would get mad for what seemed like no reason and then arch his back and scream. His cry was like no cry I'd ever heard and incredibly irritating. He pulled my hair all the time, and he has an iron grip. Nursing him was (and half the time still is) one of the most frustrating things I've ever done. It's really hard getting to a place where you enjoy a baby that you don't know or understand yet. I don't know his cues, his schedule, why he's crying when he's crying, or understand the things he does, and I don't know how to fix things when they are wrong.

Through all of it I kept thinking "We just have to make it home."

But making it home was no small feat. We left Ethiopia Friday evening (Friday morning PST) and arrived home on Sunday morning around three. Our first flight was 17 hours. On that flight, Bear magically developed explosive diarrhea and pooped through two sets of clothes and on the only set of clothes that I had. When our plane landed we had two hours to make it through customs and immigration, collect our checked bags, recheck our bags, and make it to our gate. (While we were in the customs line, Berynger pooped through his third set of clothes and onto Thomas' only set of clothes.) Thomas had asked our travel agent if we would have time and she said "Oh yes.... you'll have plenty of time!" We didn't, and we missed our connecting flight and had a united agent reschedule it for that evening. When the time came to get to our gate, we found our flight had been delayed which meant that we would miss the connecting flight after that. So we rescheduled again. We ended up spending somewhere around 11 hours in the D.C. airport. Our flight out to San Francisco was delayed, but we did finally make it out of D.C. Then our flight from San Francisco to Seattle was delayed, and by that time I just couldn't believe all the missed, changed, and rescheduled flights. After all was said and done, we traveled for somewhere around 41 hours straight. With a new baby.

We finally made it home and are resting up. And we seriously need rest.

Now that we are home, we are all trying to get back on the right time zone. Things look a lot worse when everyone in the house is lacking sleep. And Thomas and I are still trying to figure Bear out and vice versa. Nursing is still a constant struggle, but one that I am not willing to lose just yet. (I've worked way too hard and long to nurse him to give up now.)

This adoption has been the most difficult and trying thing I have ever gone through, which was a surprise because I wasn't prepared for any of this. I thought that adoption would be all lollipops and roses because that seems to be all that any one talks about. I hope that this post will not scare any one away from adoption, but that it will help prepare other prospective adoptive parents for the possible difficulties when you bring your child home.

On a lighter note...

My sweet sister in law, Sara, met us at the airport on short notice to take pictures for us of Brenner welcoming his new baby brother home. Thank you, so much, Sara for doing this!

Now to the part of the post you've all been waiting for... pictures!